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A Little Girl and Her Lamb |
I’d had an unhappy childhood, but one thing gave me hope… There wasn’t much joy in my childhood. I tried to be perfect, thinking that would ward off my father’s alcoholic rages, my mother’s frustrated criticisms. I knew they were unhappy, so I never felt I had a right to be happy. Even when our house was silent, it was not peaceful. Often, I would look up at a picture my aunt had embroidered for me, hung in a white frame on the wall above my bed. It had the prayer "Now I lay me down to sleep" stitched into it and the picture showed a beautiful little girl kneeling in soft green grass beside a sleeping lamb. I wished and prayed that I could be that happy little girl. What was she smiling so peacefully about? Eventually, my mother decided the picture was too childish. She took it away and I never knew what happened to it. I left home at age 17, married and had children. I tried to give them all the joy I never had. My family was happy. I should have been content. Inside though, I felt as unsettled as ever. One summer day, sitting in her garden, we held hands and prayed. I gave my life to Jesus. All at once, I was filled with an incredible sense of peace, a lightness that made me want to laugh for joy. I’d never felt that way before. "What is it?" my friend asked, peering at me curiously. "I don’t know," I said. "I guess this is what being a child feels like." It was a hot day, so we went inside to freshen up. I walked into Dana’s bedroom and froze. There, leaning against the wall, was the old embroidered picture that used to be above my bed. "Do you like that?" Dana asked. "It caught my eye at a yard sale." I took the picture in my hands. It was the very same one my aunt had made; I’d know it anywhere. I ran my finger along the chipped white frame and over the stitched letters of the familiar prayer, my eyes filling with tears. At last I understood what that little girl was smiling about. She was falling asleep safe in the arms of God, whose peace and joy are eternal.
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