YAHVEH created us as sexual beings. It was His means by which we would reproduce and continue the lifeline of human beings. But it was also His gift to married couples to allow them to enjoy each other in the most intimate of ways. Through sex we can learn much about communication and commitment. It is through the intimacy of sex that we should learn how to be vulnerable, which is the key to open lines of communication. It is through the intimacy of sex that we learn how to be faithful to one another and thus are able to trust each other. As we learn about faithfulness and commitment with our spouse, we learn much about faithfulness and commitment to YAHVEH as the only YAHVEH. Sexuality therefore, is not evil, but good and sacred. It is the misuse and abuse of sexuality that is evil; when we take something designed to teach us about YAHVEH and use it to satisfy our own sinful desires. The holiness of sexuality is seen in the direct comparison YAHVEH makes between sexuality and our relationship with Him. It is seen also in His direct commands for a man and woman to join together in love for one another and produce the next generation... for our Adonai.

INAPPROPRIATE SEX

WHY DOES YAHVEH PUT LIMITS ON OUR SEXUAL EXPRESSION?

SEXUAL SIN IS POWERFUL AND DESTRUCTIVE.
“If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the other man’s wife must be killed. In this way, the evil will be cleansed from Israel.” (Deuteronomy 22:22) Why does YAHVEH have so many Laws about sexual sins? It is because instructions about sexual behaviour would have been vital for 3 million people on a forty-year camping trip in the desert. But they would be equally important when they entered the Promised Land and settled down as a nation. Paul, in Colossians 3:5-8, recognizes the importance of strong rules about sex for believers, because sexual sins have the power to disrupt and destroy the church. Sins involving sex are not innocent dabbling in forbidden pleasures, as is so often portrayed, but powerful destroyers of relationships. They bring confusion and tear down the climate of respect, trust and credibility so essential for solid marriages and secure children.

SEXUAL SIN BEGINS WITH DESIRE AND ENDS IN TRAGEDY.
“The man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul.” (Proverbs 6:32) Regard lust as a warning sign of danger ahead. When you notice that you are attracted to a person of the opposite sex or pre-occupied with thoughts of him or her, your desires may lead you to sin. Ask YAHVEH to help you change your desires before you are drawn into sin.

SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE ALWAYS HURTS SOMEBODY.
Some people argue that it is all right to break YAHVEH’s Law against sexual sin if nobody gets hurt. In truth, somebody always gets hurt. Spouses are devastated. Children are scarred. The partners themselves, even if they escape disease and unwanted pregnancy, lose their ability to fulfil commitments, to feel sexual desire, to trust and to be entirely open with another person. YAHVEH’s Laws are not arbitrary. They do not forbid good, clean fun; rather, they warn us against destroying ourselves through unwise actions or running ahead of YAHVEH’s timetable. And remember, children often do what they see the parents do.

THE POWER OF SEXUAL SIN MUST NEVER BE UNDERESTIMATED.
“Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18) Sexual immorality is a temptation that is always before us. In movies and on television, sex outside marriage is treated as a normal, even desirable, part of life, while marriage is often shown as confining and joyless. We can even be looked down on by others if we are suspected of being pure. But YAHVEH does not forbid sexual sin just to be difficult. He knows its power to destroy us physically and spiritually. It has devastated countless lives and destroyed families, churches, communities and even nations. YAHVEH wants to protect us from damaging ourselves and others and so He offers to fill us; our loneliness, our desires; with Himself.

SEXUAL SIN IS DESTRUCTIVE, EVEN WHEN THE EFFECTS ARE NOT IMMEDIATELY APPARENT.
Christians are free to be all they can be for YAHVEH, but they are not free from YAHVEH. YAHVEH created sex to be a beautiful and essential ingredient of marriage, but sexual sin; sex outside the marriage relationship; always hurts someone. It hurts YAHVEH because it shows that we prefer following our own desires instead of the leading of Ruach HaKodesh. It hurts others because it violates the commitment so necessary to a relationship. It often brings diseases to our bodies. And it deeply affects our personality, which responds in anguish when we harm ourselves physically and spiritually.

CHRISTIANS DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO USE THEIR BODY AS THEY WISH.
What did Paul mean when he said that our body belongs to YAHVEH? Many people say they have the right to do whatever they want with their own body. Although they think that this is freedom, they are really enslaved to their own desires. When we become Christians, Ruach HaKodesh fills us and lives in us. Therefore, we no longer own our body. “For YAHVEH bought you with a high price” refers to slaves purchased at auction. HaMashiach’s death and resurrection freed us from sin, but also obligates us to His service. If you live in a building owned by someone else, you try not to violate the building’s rules. Because your body belongs to YAHVEH, you must not violate His standards for living.

HOW DOES SEXUAL SIN BEGIN?

SEXUAL SIN BEGINS IN THE MIND: YAHVEH CONSIDERS MENTAL ADULTERY AS SERIOUS AS PHYSICAL ADULTERY.
“Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) The Old Testament Law said that it is wrong for a person to have sex with someone other than his or her spouse (Exodus 20:14). But Yeshua said that the desire to have sex with someone other than your spouse is mental adultery and thus sin. Yeshua emphasized that if the act is wrong, then so is the intention. To be faithful to your spouse with your body but not your mind is to break the trust so vital to a strong marriage. Yeshua is not condemning natural interest in the opposite sex or even healthy sexual desire, but the deliberate and repeated filling of one’s mind with fantasies that would be evil if acted out.

LUST MUST NOT BE AN EXCUSE FOR SEXUAL SIN.
Some think that if lustful thoughts are sin, why shouldn’t a person go ahead with the lustful actions too? Acting out sinful desires is harmful in several ways: (1) it causes people to excuse sin rather than to stop sinning; (2) it destroys marriages; (3) it is deliberate rebellion against YAHVEH’s Word; and (4) it always hurts someone else in addition to the sinner. Sinful action is more dangerous than sinful desire and that is why desires should not be acted out. Nevertheless, sinful desire is just as damaging to righteousness. Left unchecked, wrong desires will result in wrong actions and turn people away from YAHVEH.

APPROPRIATE SEX

WHY SHOULD WE FOLLOW YAHVEH’S LAWS ABOUT SEX?

SEX IS A GIFT YAHVEH GIVES TO MARRIED PEOPLE FOR THEIR MUTUAL ENJOYMENT.
“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:18) YAHVEH does not intend faithfulness in marriage to be boring, lifeless, pleasure-less, and dull. Real happiness comes when we decide to find pleasure in the relationship YAHVEH has given or will give us and to commit ourselves to making it pleasurable for our spouse. The real danger is in doubting that YAHVEH knows and cares for us. We then may resent His timing and carelessly pursue sexual pleasure without His blessing.

YAHVEH DESIGNED SEX AS PART OF THE UNIQUE RELATIONSHIP OF MARRIAGE.
“Do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that ha-satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5) The Corinthian church was in turmoil because of the immorality of the culture around them. Some Greeks, in rejecting immorality, rejected sex and marriage altogether. The Corinthian Christians wondered if this was what they should do also, so they asked Paul several questions: Because sex is perverted, shouldn’t we also abstain in marriage? If my spouse is unsaved, should I seek a divorce? Should single people and widows remain unmarried? Paul answered many of these questions by saying, for now, stay put. Be content in the situation where YAHVEH has placed you. If you’re married, don’t seek to be single. If you’re single, don’t seek to be married. Live YAHVEH’s way, one day at a time and He will show you what to do.

SEXUALITY IS A NATURAL, YAHVEH-GIVEN DESIRE.
Sexual temptations are difficult to withstand because they appeal to the normal and natural desires that YAHVEH has given us. Marriage provides YAHVEH’s way to satisfy these natural sexual desires and to strengthen the partners against temptation. Married couples have the responsibility to care for each other. Therefore, husbands and wives should not withhold themselves sexually from one another, but should fulfil each other’s needs and desires.

YAHVEH, AS THE CREATOR, OUGHT TO BE OUR GUIDE IN THE USE OF SEXUALITY.
Spiritually, our body belongs to YAHVEH when we become a Christian, because Yeshua HaMashiach bought us by paying the price to release us from sin (see 6:19-20). Physically, our body belongs to our spouse because YAHVEH designed marriage so that, through the union of husband and wife, the two become one (Genesis 2:24). Paul stressed complete equality in sexual relationships. Neither male nor female should seek dominance or autonomy.

TO KEEP FROM HURTING OURSELF, SEXUAL DESIRES AND ACTIVITIES MUST BE PLACED UNDER HAMASHIACH’S CONTROL.
“YAHVEH wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Then each of you will control your body and live in holiness and honour; not in lustful passion as the pagans do, in their ignorance of YAHVEH and His ways.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) YAHVEH created sex for procreation and pleasure and as an expression of love between a husband and wife. Sexual experience must be limited to the marriage relationship to avoid hurting ourselves, our relationship to YAHVEH and our relationships with others.

WHAT DOES YAHVEH THINK ABOUT SEX?
Genesis 1:27-28: “YAHVEH created people in His own image; YAHVEH patterned them after Himself; male and female He created them. YAHVEH blessed them and told them, ‘multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.’” Genesis 2:24: “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one.” YAHVEH created sex. He made men and women as sexual beings; to reproduce and replenish the next generation and to use sex as a means of expressing love to and delighting in one another. The sexual relationship is a key part of husbands and wives becoming one person in a marriage.

IS SEX IN MARRIAGE ONLY FOR REPRODUCTION OR DID YAHVEH PLAN FOR HUSBANDS AND WIVES TO ENJOY IT, TO DELIGHT IN ONE ANOTHER THROUGH SEX?
Proverbs 5:18-19: “Rejoice in the wife of your youth... Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.” Song of Songs 7:6-12: “Oh, how delightful you are my beloved; how pleasant for utter delight!” Ephesians 5:28, 33: “Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife... So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself.” YAHVEH clearly shares with us the love and delight dimensions of sex in marriage. Sex is not for reproduction only, but for a bonding of love and enjoyment between husbands and wives. Song of Songs 5:2-8: “I opened to my lover, but he was gone... I searched for him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere.” When marriage becomes routine, it is important to re-stoke the fires of sexual intimacy.

WHAT RIGHTS DO HUSBANDS AND WIVES HAVE TO EACH OTHER’S BODY?
1 Corinthians 7:3-5: “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband.” Husbands and wives do not completely own their own bodies. When they marry, each mate has a loving claim to the other’s body.

THE PREVAILING MODERN ATTITUDE ABOUT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE SEEMS TO BE THAT AS LONG AS WE BOTH WANT TO DO IT, IT’S OK.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT PREMARITAL SEX?
1 Corinthians 7:1-9: “Because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband.” As Paul describes the role of sexuality in marriage, it is clear that the full expression of our physical desires, sexual intercourse, is to be reserved for the commitment of marriage. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-7: “YAHVEH wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Then each of you will control your body and live in holiness and honour.” In contradiction to the world’s attitude that says, “If it feels good, do it,” Paul teaches that YAHVEH calls us to exercise control over our passions and our bodies in the area of premarital sexuality.

IS IT SO BAD IF I JUST THINK ABOUT SEX WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN MY SPOUSE? I DIDN’T REALLY DO IT.
Exodus 20:17: “Do not covet your neighbour’s house. Do not cover your neighbour’s wife.” Matthew 5:27-28: The Law of Moses says, ‘do not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Lust is adultery in the heart. It is true that when you imagine having sex with someone you have not consummated it with that person physically. But in your heart, you have.

WILL YAHVEH FORGIVE MY PAST SEXUAL SINS? CAN I TRULY START OVER?
Acts 13:38-39: “In... Yeshua there is forgiveness for your sins. Everyone who believes in Him is freed from all guilt and declared right with YAHVEH.” YAHVEH will forgive any sexual sin if there is true repentance, turning away from that sin and seeking forgiveness. Romans 1:24: “YAHVEH let them go ahead and do whatever shameful things their hearts desired.”
YAHVEH will not forgive sin when a person persists in that sin. Engaging in persistent, wilful sin separates us from YAHVEH, the only One who can forgive sin.

BUT ISN’T MY BODY MY OWN, TO DO WITH AS I CHOOSE?
1 Corinthians 6:13: “Our bodies were not made for sexual immorality. They were made for our Adonai and our Adonai cares about our bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “Don’t you know that your body is the temple of Ruach HaKodesh, who lives in you and was given to you by YAHVEH? You do not belong to yourself, for YAHVEH bought you with a high price. So you must honour YAHVEH with your body.” When we become Christians, we dedicate ourselves to Adonai and that includes our bodies. They are no longer truly ours, but His temple. In marriage, our bodies belong not to ourselves only, but to our mates.

HOW CAN I FIGHT SEXUAL TEMPTATION? IT IS SO POWERFUL IN TODAY’S WORLD.
1 Corinthians 10:13: “Remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And YAHVEH is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it.” We can’t fight sexual temptations by ourselves. They are too powerful. Cry out to YAHVEH to help you. He can and He will.